


Debt

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesiac Poe Dameron, Conflicted Kylo Ren, Hurt/Comfort, Knights of the old republic references, Kylo Ren Redemption, Leia Tries To Be A Good Mother, M/M, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Past Character Death, Protective Kylo Ren, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Soft Kylo Ren, heel realization
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:42:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26340592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Poe gets more injured on the Raddus than Kylo anticipated, with unforeseen consequences.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8
Collections: Bad Day Collection





	Debt

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Kylo Ren could hear the whispers around him, the disbelief, the wonder, the anger, the fear. It seemed to surround him like mist, and Kylo found himself instinctively gathering into himself. Kylo absently wondered if simply being _Han and Leia’s disappointment son_ stood out on him, like it was written on his forehead. They weren’t bullies, Kylo knew. They were just...angry? Sad?

The bridge was open. A bit crowded, Kylo found. More whispers, more voices. It was like being scrutinized. 

And General Organa stood there, her form rigid. Something in her posture like — anger? Regret? Relief? Kylo would be damned if he knew, actually. 

”I think we’d best have this discussion in private,” she said.

***

”You chose a hell of a time to come back.” 

Even sitting across from her, Kylo said, “I didn’t ‘come back’. Hurting Commander Dameron was not in the cards.” Indeed, firing on the hangar of the Raddus had mostly been a way to get that one pilot not to fire on him and his men; he didn’t rely on Poe getting hurt. Nearly dying. 

Poe wasn’t supposed to die. Not like this. 

”And killing Tallie Lintra was?”

Tallie. She had a name. Of course she did. He hadn’t really held a grudge against her; he'd mostly wanted her out of his way. 

”I...did not know who she was.”

”Of course you didn’t, Ben." Leia actually sounded frustrated. "I thought you were better than this. I didn’t expect you to kill villagers, or torture Commander Dameron, or...any of it.”

”And I didn’t expect you to be all but useless against Snoke!” 

He almost regretted it, seeing her eyes widen. He kept going anyway. "When I was being mentally raped by that monster, when I was being dangled over jagged rocks as part of a ‘training exercise’, when...all of this happened, what were you doing? Absolutely nothing. You didn’t make a move to come for me. Han Solo did. At least I could feel that he loved me. You? You didn’t care when I was being mind raped. Actually, I take that back — maybe ‘useless’ isn’t the right word. ‘Apathetic', maybe. Maybe that was your problem: apathy. Even a rotting corpse feeds the beasts and insects.”

He tried keeping his anger in place just then, tried to remember things like his mother all but calling him “dangerous”. Tried to remember the feeling of screaming in his head. It was difficult, realizing that his mother felt guilty. It didn’t make sense; surely, she’d be happy that she had an excuse to call him a monster —

“I did fail you, Ben.”

Well, he didn’t expect that.

”It wasn’t apathy,” Leia said. “You’re wrong about that, at least. Snoke got to me too.”

”What?”

”I think it was a way to throw us off his trail,” Leia said. "Or maybe he had multiple targets and...”

Kylo could at least feel his anger starting to wane, replaced by the realization that he had blamed his mother for something that had been done to her. “I had no idea,” he said. “I really didn’t.”

”I hoped he didn’t get to you,” Leia said. “I suppose that was too much to hope for.”

”It isn’t your fault.” She deserved that much. “And...Han Solo didn’t die like a coward. He was strong. Even to the end, he loved and believed in his son.”

”I guess in a way his faith paid off,” Leia said, smiling faintly. 

”It’s not as simple as that. I can’t just go back. Even if...even if the First Order’s in tatters, do you think I can just go back?"

Leia had put Snoke out of commission. That Kylo knew. He wasn’t dead, though. Kylo doubted a monster like that could ever die. 

”It’ll be a hard journey,” Leia said, "But I believe in you.”

Kylo wasn’t sure he believed that yet. “Can I see him? P — Commander Dameron?”

Slowly, Leia nodded. 

***

“You really want to see him?”

FN-2187 (Finn, as he was apparently called) looked stony, angry. 

”General Organa allowed it.”

FN-2187 snorted. “She must be in a good mood today. Fine — but if you hurt Poe again, we’re having a rematch, and this time, I’ll win.”

Kylo wasn’t sure about that, but he supposed he could appreciate FN-2187’s devotion to his friend. To his friends, Kylo remembered, thinking of the scavenger on Ilum. It struck him that there was one similarity between him and FN-2187, small as it was. FN-2187 had the scavenger, Kylo, once upon a time, had Poe. 

They would defend those two people with their lives. 

Kylo never thought he and FN-2187 would have something in common, but here he was. 

Poe was lying there, hooked up to machines that beeped, looking so serene. It didn’t seem right, Kylo thought. He should be standing, he should be vibrant, bright, beautiful in just being alive. 

He should be louder. 

He sat down next to Poe, feeling his energy flickering in and out of the Force. He was unsteady, where he should be steady. He was wavering, where he should be strong. 

Kylo knew what he had to do.

Even reaching out, placing a hand on Poe’s forehead, he poured in the energy he needed to. His uncle (bastard) had taught him this long ago. How to heal. How to mend. He had hurt Poe, badly. And —

Poe shuddered just then, his presence in the Force almost becoming overpowering with light. And the next things he said...well, it took that brief spot of hope and crushed it into dirt. 

”Who are you?”


End file.
